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関世賢, I mean, Sai.
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I have the vague feeling that I owe you some money. Also, would it be too weird if I posted a wish list of things for you to ninja around the internets for?


Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Today while writing my Statement of Purpose for grad school crapola I stumbled upon a somewhat incomplete project I started back in 2008 (its relevant since i'm talking about school crap in my essay).It was my final project in my programming for research biology class. It earned me an A- even though it didn't work. I know WHY it didn't work and could possibly fix it. I mean, the only thing is I wouldn't know how to take the next step for it to be actually meaningful once I fix it. Maybe I could call up some mofos who know a think or two about 3d modelling or someshit.

My very thoughtful lady has suggested I get back into a constructive hobby that makes me feel like I'm doing something to better myself outside of school applications, work things etc. This may be the thing to do.

I still have my programming book, and there was that creepy comment on my livejournal when I posted about starting to learn the language... (it touted some guy's book about the programming language) ... so I could conceivably restart, finish AND perfect the project from the comfort of my own home. i would just need a proper program editor like eMacs or something. If you're out there old man, remind me to bother you about it or something. We could make it a pet project.

NOW. back to work. or maybe lunch first.

I was driving home today and heard this NPR story, and wanted to share it. i may pick up one of those books for kicks. they look pretty intense. the end.

starting my venture to Fresno and to battle in about an hour. i'm all packed. pretty much all i need is some socks and i'm good to go. between all the prep i've been doing and the tiny bits of superstitious test rituals i have, i goddamn better improve my score. i decided to chronicle the next two days for memory. the level of planning for this has been kind of ridiculous.

today, i have a set time to check into my hotel, i've put a little note on my map where i'm having dinner, another for coffee tomorrow, and yet another for the pre-game lunch. i even recorded me reading over my notes so i can listen to them over the three hour drive.

my dad's decided to let me take his new GPS for a test run... yay?

and i'm nicking mom's camera, so theoretically there should be photos. she left me a nice little note this morning.

will continue this over the course of the day. the plan is to leave by noon. check in at 3.

Update, 4:30 pm. once i reach home i'll fill this damn thing out.
Checked in to the hotel about a half hour ago. the trip was mildly eventful, besides lots of bitchy truck drivers not following the 55mph limit for trucks w/ trailers.

for a half hour was stuck behind a flatbed carrying towers of hay in the hills.
saw a fire starting at the side of the road, and a mile later saw the fire crews rolling up to take care of it.
accidentally went to the wrong ramada inn w/in fresno city limits @_@ there are two, i saw one, and thought it was the one i wanted, and wasn't looking at the map.

the place is very nice. awesome looking shower, HUUUGE bed. blizzard like air conditioner.

gonna do a little walkin' around a local mall, studying a bit after dinner @ chipotle. and then movie till bedtime.

"its the grand canyon. there's a hole. you go, you see it."

i was amused.


I misremembered. the pendulum did not draw. It simply rotated.

So i was informed this evening (by a very helpful Starbucks 'barista') of the refill rule w/ coffee (drip). Same cup, same Starbucks, within the hour- a refill should be 50 cents. So get a receipt my friends, and exploit the dickens out of my 'favorite' peddler of caffeine to to the masses. I say this, because there have been occasions when I was charged 'bring your own cup' rates (sticker price -10 cents) for refills. Also, I'm a cheap bastard.

in other news, i'm beginning to think more and more that 'bastard', as an indicator of personality, fits me more and more.


To hell with resumes and professionalism and all that jazz.

i sometimes wish things were sign up, throw you in, sink or swim.

i worked on a goddamn resume about 4 hours today that isn't even for a job.

i feel like a crass rube some days and am proud of it.

edit: 5 drafts later and the god forsaken thing is done. DONE.

So I asked a friend of a friend, who is working toward a PhD in linguistics:
"So what is it you think you've been doing to get you to where you are?"

He promptly replied:
"Well, at the risk of being pompus, I did exactly what was asked of me."

This was an uncharacteristcally serious answer from a characteristically silly man. At the time, it sounded very shall we say, zen. Isn't that what school is? They tell you to study, they tell you to do home work, you do it right, you succeed. I guess it makes sense in a creepy big brother kind of way.

About an hour later, a thought smacked me upside the head. in the words of one of my buddies from a chem class, "Sir, you are full of shit". You were never asked to be exceptional. You were never asked to choose linguistics. You were never asked to go to school across the country from your home town. Nobody ever sets out a nice little detailed plan for you if you tell them that you want to become a professor. Ambition drove you to find out for yourself what you had to do, and you only found out for certain if something worked out. That little something your peers (like me) didn't have, even if they were willing to work hard.

Never have I seen an advisor's office give a delineated flow chart on 'how to succeed'. They give you little lists, of well here's where to start. Or well, these are some things that might help you. Never is it do A, B, C and then definitely you will achieve D. Even syllabi from classes in college were never quite so specific. Exam one is half your grade. Okay, study the material that exam one covers. Oh, by the way, exam one doesn't actually contain questions pertaining to some of the material so you will waste time studying it, but Iwon'ttellyouwhatisnotonthetest kthnxbye. The last time I remember something so concrete was one class in college where the majority of the class was hella failing, and the professor was under pressure to pass a certain percentage. "i will have X questions on Y" etc. etc. he practically told us all the questions we would have to answer. of course, it was still hard as hell so not everyone got perfect score. yet everyone did better. we knew what was to be asked of us.

it used to be like that when we were little. math tests looked exactly like two pages of math homework, essays were graded on strict criteria. When an A meant you did exactly what they asked of you, and an F meant you didn't follow any direction whatsoever. i wish life, the universe and everything came with an instruction set. where every possible ending you might want had specific, detailed instructions, which they hand to you as you walk in the door. So you weren't in an unending easter egg hunt for sets of tried and true instruction sets.

I guess we're way past that age, or it never really was that simple. I write this because I'm doing this application thing feeling like an absolute idiot. instructions for things scattered the hell over everywhere that i didn't know about or didn't think to look for or was told cryptically once about. and sadly enough, a ton of them are still vague or oddly specified. i'm of the mind that any ole dumbass (this one included) would do a lot better if there were told quite specifically what we ought to do to succeed at anything or everything.

yes. i'm acting like a baby and require a certain amount of hand holding. even at my best moments i've never really been a go getter.

maybe that's why i'm stuck here. out here. in a stupid, self made limbo.

so i've been reading the literature on how i'm supposed to apply to medschool (i am quite possibly fuckd, btw. more on this later) and i say to myself: "OKAY. FINE. i'll just open an app and start with the goddamn easy shit. like my name etc...". So i go to make an account on the AMCAS website and it goes all effing psychotic when i try to access their system.

here's where it gets annoying. i go and check up on the system specs, make sure my browser is up to snuff. well, looks like my java is a little old. FINE. i go to update it and apparently i need to do shit. *sigh

so i wasted like 2 hours working on it. with no avail. still says i'm running the older version on firefox. so now i decided to update to goddamn firefox 3.5.

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